You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘spiritual pain’ tag.

(Warning: This is a rant and a bit of a pity party. I’m looking for tea and sympathy and maybe some wise advice, but what’s probably needed is a good kick in the seat.)

Just once, couldn’t the right thing be perfectly clear and easy to do?

I love my little church, and think the current Pastor is the perfect man for the job. My husband is happy there, as are my friends. The congregation is loving and supportive. I love leading the song services, and our newly opened food pantry is an answer to four years of tearful prayer.

So what’s the problem, right?

The problem is; I think our Pastor wishes I would go away. There are some compelling reasons for me to believe this.

1) He’s never been comfortable with me serving as a temporary Pastor, while we were searching for one, and has made it very clear, he thinks, I usurped the authority of the men.

Many churches frown on women serving, as Pastor, but those men I supposedly usurped are the ones who insisted. It was not my idea, and I went though hell before agreeing to do it.

2) Everyone in our church is encouraged to participate in some form of ministry. I am only to participate if it is helping someone else with his or hers.

The snub, when it came time to improve the food pantry was obvious, to several people. It took some serious smoothing over, to keep it from becoming an issue.

3) Everyone is encouraged to come up with ideas, yet mine are dismissed without a thought.

When given the time to voice one, usually I’m ignored or avoided.

4) Any position, in which I currently serve, is up-for-grabs if someone more qualified comes along. This isn’t the case for anyone else.

I could bring it all to a screeching halt with a few well-placed words, but that could and probably would hurt the church. After going through two splits, no way I’ll be the cause of one. I could change churches, but Hubby is so happy where we are and adores our Pastor.

Suffering in silence is an option. But I need spiritually feed and encouraged just like everyone else. It’s getting to the point where I’m missing services and developing a “what’s the point?” attitude.

Why can’t it ever be clear and easy?