A couple of people approached my husband on Saturday, and expressed a feeling of being “run down” by our Pastor recently. These folks have been Christians long enough to know the difference between conviction and guilt tripping. It was also hinted that if I leave the church, some people would be very hurt.

Knowing this and feeling pretty lousy about it, I skipped church on Sunday, and spent the day “being still” (Psalm 46:10), and listening to the “small voice” (1 Kings 19:12). It had a lot to say, and while not everything was what I wanted to hear, it was what I needed to know. The biggest thing seems to be the need to hurry with my studies, because though I still don’t know what it is, God has a plan. I have to be ready.

I’ve been reminded of my life verse. Hebrews 13:6 ”So we may boldly say: “ The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”” And that God’s will always comes to pass. Acts 5:39 “but if it is of God, you cannot overthrow it—lest you even be found to fight against God.””

I realized that the Pastor is not my problem to solve; his demons are not mine to fight, and it’s not up to me to protect him from himself. My job is to continue to be faithful to the flock, support them when they struggle, tend them when they hurt, tell them when they are wrong, and love them unconditionally, until God leads me elsewhere, if He chooses to do so.

To top it all off, my official ordination came through today. I am now, legally, Reverend Shawn W, which makes finishing school that much more imperative, and I’m currently searching for a women-in-ministry group, for the support I’m going to need. A little discretion may be in order. Only a select few will be told of my new status, for now anyway.

If you’re so inclined, a little prayer would be appreciated.