I think in order to end this “dark night of the soul” I’ve been going through lately, I’m going to have to find a new church. (You wouldn’t believe how much admitting that hurts.) I love the people there, and they mean the world to me, but if I don’t go they are going to lose their Pastor. I’ve been through two church splits already, and will be danged if I’m going to cause one. Of course, there is no one to talk to about this, because anyone I could normally go to for counsel would be emotionally involved, and it would harm the very thing I am trying to protect.

Frankly, I find the whole thing very confusing. He makes sure I feel about as welcome as sand fleas at a nude beach, yet if I’m not there, every time the doors are open, it’s a personal insult to him and his wife. I couldn’t be there all the time, right now, anyway. Between a full-time job and fighting off constant infections, I’m too worn out to make it to every service, fellowship, and rally. He doesn’t know about any of that though, because he’s not interested in anything I have to say.

It also has become very clear that with him as my Pastor I will never have another opportunity to serve in any meaningful way. I’m supposed to sit down, shut up, and keep the pew warm, and pew warming is not my forte’. Besides, after what was said Sunday night, (which I missed) it’s probably best if I don’t go back. He’s going to wind up saying something stupid. I’m going to blow a gasket, one of us is storming out, and I’m not 100% sure it would be me. Better to end it quietly, with some dignity.

I don’t even have to lie to them. He doesn’t believe in lady preachers. I believe I’m being called to preach. The two are not compatible. There’s no need for them to know I’m hurting, no need to cause a rift, no need…

This sucks. Anyone know of a good Baptist church in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area, where the Pastor isn’t threatened by strong women?

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