I had a “well woman” visit last week. They poked, prodded, mashed me flat, generally made me as uncomfortable as humanly possible, and charged a small fortune for it. Today I got a call from the doctor’s nurse saying he would like to speak with me. Our conversation follows.
“Mrs. W?”
“Yes.”
“You’re pregnant.”
“What!?”
“Just joking.”
“You’re not funny.”
“Umm, We found something odd in your tests, and need to do further testing right away.”
“What did you find?”
“Well, I’d like for you to come in, so we can discuss it.”
“If I tell you what you found, will you talk to me about it over the phone?”
“Excuse me?”
“When my pap was first examined, it was perfectly clear, but when it was examined by the Tech later, he noticed what could be pre-cancerous cells. Right?”
“Umm, right.”
“Doctor, You did a very thorough exam. Did you notice anything weird during your examination, anything growing where it shouldn’t be or shaped wrong?”
“No. Everything seemed as it should be, but you should have a biopsy, just to be sure.”
“Doctor, this condition was fist noticed while I was pregnant with my youngest child. He turned 21 in July, and I’ve had five biopsies in the last 21 years. All of them were negative.”
“That doesn’t mean they will stay negative. It’s a situation we need to keep a careful eye on. Let’s schedule you for that biopsy.”
“No.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said no.”
“Mrs. W, if you’re not going to cooperate, I can’t be responsible…”
“I didn’t ask you to be responsible. I know my body very well, am quite good at listening to it, and more than capable of being responsible for myself. More tests are pointless and unnecessary and I won’t be subjected to them.”
“I think you should consider seeing another doctor.”
“That’s the smartest thing you’ve said during this call.”
I must have hurt his feelings, because he hung up on me.
And people wonder why doctors get on my last good nerve.
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11 comments
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February 22, 2008 at 7:34 pm
pandemonic
I wish I’d have thought of this conversation when my doctor’s office called two weeks ago to redo my mammogram. My first inclination was to go off the deep end, then I thought about it and decided to poke around myself. Nothing. And, of course, they found nothing wrong. My husband’s first comment, after “Are you scared?” (which I was, thanks to a horrible phone-side manner) was “What’s this going to cost me?”
February 22, 2008 at 10:26 pm
Shawn W
((Pandemonic)) It’s horrible that your doctor would scare you that way! It seems like they use fear to get us to do what they want, and it’s so not right.
Did you know most breast cancers are discovered by the woman’s partner? IMHO that’s a much more pleasant test.
February 22, 2008 at 11:13 pm
elissakaren
Shawn, your doctor sounds like a royal jerk. And incredibly unprofessional. I’m glad you told him where to go.
But for whatever my two cents are worth, cervical cancer moves very slowly. It can take many years to develop into something threatening. But it does kill people. I have a friend who’s undergoing many horrific bouts of chemo right now in her fight with it. They recently retracted her death sentence, which is wonderful, but all this is still no fun. I don’t know that having a biopsy every four or five years is unreasonable. No one knows your body like you do, and intuition can be a very powerful thing. But cervical cancer is completely asymptomatic for a long, long time and a lot of otherwise intuitive women have been completely unsuspecting about its presence and progress. I only write all this because I care about you. I hope you won’t mind.
February 23, 2008 at 2:47 am
Amoeboid Blurry Smile
You make me ever so deeply glad that our family doctor is the one we have. There are some with common sense.
If this was a work of fiction, I’d be laughing. “I can’t be responsible…” Umm. Was the doctor going to claim responsibility if you did have cancer?
February 23, 2008 at 3:52 am
Corina
Hhm. I actually don’t see that he was a jerk. I see that he was doing his job. First, he actually talked to you on the phone. That doesn’t happen in the real world. Most doctors have the nurse call you and make the appointment and keep you in the dark forever (which I see as something he might have done had you not insisted that he discuss it on the phone). Most doctors wouldn’t care if you came in for the test or not. They would consider it having done their part by notifying you and leaving it to you to follow through. Most doctors would just point to the chart that documents the attempt to get you to come in for the test if you or your next of kin tried to sue him for it later on.
And I agree with Elissa. I’d go in for the biopsy. When was the last time you had one? It isn’t anything to fool around with. I hope you are right. I would go in. And I hate doctors. I hate these exams. I have no money for doctors and no insurance, but I would go in.
February 23, 2008 at 4:54 am
Wanda Rizzuto
Huh. I like my doctor. I guess I’m lucky.
February 23, 2008 at 5:25 am
davidrochester
He was a jerk for making a joke.
I agree that you should have the biopsy yet again, but I also completely understand why you don’t want to; and if I were you, I wouldn’t do it either. But that’s because I’m stubborn and contrary.
February 24, 2008 at 10:41 am
Shawn W
I do appreciate everyone’s concern, and don’t mean to sound as if I’m just going to ignore the possibility. I’m simply not going to let it make me crazy. The biopsy requires I take insane amounts of ibuprofen, and it causes me to hemorrhage for several days after. So, I’ve decided to submit to it every four years, and I have a thorough exam every year.
Elissa, I’m touched, and of course I don’t mind.
ABS, wish I’d thought to ask him that.
Corina, it was his tone that got on my nerves. My last biopsy was just over a year ago, which he would have known had he read my file.
Very lucky, Wanda. I loved my last doctor, but she moved out of state.
David, you’re right, and he almost gave me a heart attack, as well.
I will have it again, in three more years.
Stubborn and contrary are my middle names.
February 27, 2008 at 7:10 am
Scout
My doctor lives/practices out of state. He’s a sweetie. I’ve known him since around 1984. Long history there. It has been almost a year now so I will be having to trek up to Oregon once I can be fairly certain I won’t encounter a snow storm. This is just one reason I am considering moving to Oregon. I’d be closer to my doctor which I really should be seeing a minimum of twice a year.
February 27, 2008 at 11:07 am
Shawn W
Mine moved too far away to drive it.
I’m still looking.
March 10, 2008 at 4:48 pm
TheOtherIvy
Yikes! He sounds awful.
I had a similar conversation with a female doctor about seven years ago. She wanted to do surgery. I said I was going to get a second opinion. She said, They are just going to say the same thing. Turned out I didn’t need surgery. Best to be safe though. Find out for sure.