My mother and grandmother were both of the large mouth variety, (in case you wondered where I got it.) They always had something to say about any given situation. I’d like to share some of their eloquence with you.

On The Weather

G: “Rain on your parade…? Let’s see how he feels when I produce a little thunder and lightening!”

“You can’t let him go out in the snow with a wet diaper. He’ll catch a cold in his butt and live forever.”

M: “If you so much as look at one of my kids again, I’ll cloud up and hail on you!”

“Get the thunderclouds out of you eyebrows, before I smack some sunshine into you.”

On Raising Children

“Kids are like weeds. A little dirt makes them grow.”

“God gave children an nice padded spot perfect for spanking.”

M: “Never let them get too sure you won’t actually kill them.”

“A swat on the butt seems to make a kids ears work better.”

Point of View

“Only loose women have a reason to shave above the knee before marriage.”

“Once in a while, you have to do something fun, just for the h*** of it, or life will wear you out.”

M: “I like my nice quiet little life, and you’re disrupting it!”

“The housework will wait. No little green guy is going to sneak in and do it, before you get to it.”

Advice

G: “When you start wanting to kill something, take a walk in the park.”

“It’s better to say, “I don’t know” than to look like a Jack-a**.”

M: “There is no “happily ever after”. Marriage is hard work.”

“Who ever told you life was fair, lied to you. Never listen to that person again.”