I had a minor disagreement with an online friend, yesterday, who just happens to be gay. While we were having our debate others started chiming in with their opinions, and the consensus was that I was “gay bashing”. Understand our debate wasn’t about any of the hot button topics, like politics or religion. We were debating the merits of Jon Bon Jovi for Pete’s sake!
When my friend defended my motives, and informed his protectors we had been friends for years, one woman responded, “She couldn’t possibly be a real friend to you. She’s a @&% #&@& Christian!” (And people were agreeing with her!)
To which I responded with a well thought out, “HUH?!”
The collective opinion, of these well-meaning folks, seems to be that, because of my faith, I’m not allowed to tell anyone, who’s gay, they are wrong about anything.
My question is, can I keep my friend if we never have an honest conversation?
It’s a sad world we live in.
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10 comments
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September 25, 2007 at 12:24 am
davidrochester
That’s absolutely ridiculous. And insulting, and disrespectful. And of course you are right, that a censored friendship is no friendship at all. I’m sure your friend agrees.
Any mature human being would find it enormously distasteful and condescending if a “friend” refrained from having an honest conversation or difference of opinion due to any kind of “categorization.” It doesn’t matter what it is. I see it all the time, though — a friend of mine recently told me she felt she couldn’t be honest with someone she was dating because she knew he was having a hard time with a chronic illness he has. “So let me get this straight — because he’s ill, you’re going to deprive him of the opportunity to have an honest relationship with you?” I asked.
I still don’t know whether she was looking at the situation oddly, or if he was playing the “disability” card. Either way — good grief, people! Could we stop labeling and just, you know, live and talk to each other?
Sorry for the comment that is actually longer than your post.
September 25, 2007 at 12:44 am
Shawn W
David, you said it so much better than I could, and made me feel better too. Bless you and your long comments.
I could understand wording my answers carefully if we had been discussing a “hot button” issue, but even then I would have felt the need to be honest.
October 14, 2007 at 11:33 am
Corina
Wow. Anyone I know? If so, I totally missed this.
No. I don’t think you can have an honest friendship without honest conversation.
And for the record, whoever said these things to you is totally off the wall. You have every right to speak your mind on any and every subject, regardless of your faith. Tell them I said so! I don’t think that you would ever “bash” anyone, gay or not. It’s not in you.
October 15, 2007 at 10:24 am
Shawn W
Hi Corina!
Nope, I doubt it was anyone you know. (Thank heavens, huh?)
I agree. There is no way to have a true friendship without honesty.
I do my best to be respectful of everyone’s point of view, even when we disagree. My friend knows what I believe about homosexuality and why. He also knows I love him to pieces, and would never do anything to hurt him.
October 16, 2007 at 10:05 am
Mr. Hand
That is the strangest thing I’ve read this week — maybe this month. Wow!
This makes me think it is time to rework and repost an old one of mine. I wondered what I was going to write for tomorrow.
Thanks.
October 16, 2007 at 10:15 am
Shawn W
*laughing* Glad I could be an inspiration.
March 15, 2008 at 9:39 pm
TheOtherIvy
Whoa. I missed this one. I second your “HUH?!”
March 16, 2008 at 8:20 pm
Shawn W
Ivy, at the time, I was so stunned that’s what I actually typed.
February 26, 2009 at 5:20 pm
Petra K
I’ve just read this song on here and this could be called gay bashing, even though it’s funny. Where do you draw the line?
http://ivorwright.wordpress.com/2009/02/26/the-irish-gays/
February 26, 2009 at 9:39 pm
Shawn W
I’m sorry, Petra, I couldn’t get past the first few lines of the song. The language is awful, and I don’t find if funny.
That said, you draw the line when someone is being hurt.